the blasted question: are you ready to be carpet-bombed by sharp-suited TV anchors?

What: Twin bomb blasts at Jama Masjid in Delhi.
Whaaat? (Sound of chairs overturning as TV journalists wake up and trip over each other. Before thinking how, why and wherefores put on their makeup, they rush to the balcony. What?).

n Now, Rakesh (or whatever the poor reporter’s good name is for good or bad), you are at the spot, tell us more.
n Aah, ahem, ouch (Rakesh struggles with the microphone in the balcony), umm, well… Nishi (or whatever the godforsaken anchor’s godforsaken name is), as you can see it’s panic out here (truth be told, you can’t see a thing, with Rakesh’s frown, Nishi’s furrowed brows and the BREAKING NEWS bar taking up the whole screen. Hang on, the TV crew is still on its way to Jama Masjid). People do not seem to know if there’s any more bomb and are scared to figure out whether to turn left, right or go dead straight (da da da, and some more panic-spreading on live TV, as you get graphic details of a frantically overworking imagination of the reporter).

n (Nishi’s frowning mug cuts in) So we do know there have been two blasts, as Rakesh just told us (courtesy PTI, and some poor stringer who covers Jama Masjid). And there’s sheer panic out there. What more can you tell us, Rakesh?
n Nishi, we are trying to get in touch with the police, and they are still not sure if it’s the handiwork of Jaish, Aish, Lashkar, tusker, Hizbul or bloodyfool, . The police have rushed extra forces to the spot, and we are told the chief minister is also on way (as is the TV crew)

n Rakesh, Rakesh… Seems like we have lost our link with Rakesh (liar, liar; the reporter’s in the car, on way to Jama Masjid). Hum aapko ek baar phir se bataa dein, there have been two bomb blasts at Delhi’s historic Jama Masjid, injuring at least three. As our correspondent Rakesh has been telling us from the spot, the first blast took place at around 5 pm when devotees were preparing for asar, or evening prayer, before a second blast rocked the place within 15 minutes (that, by the way is a straight lift from a PTI report straight after the blasts)

n (Rakesh, finally in the “Walled City”, butts in) Nishi, as we can see, it’s sheer panic out here (camera pans). Let me ask an eyewitness (thrusts the mike on a dazed bespectacled man as others try a sneak peek at the cam from behind, through and across his shoulder): how does it feel after the first blast of the year at Jama Masjid...

(NOTE: This was written as the writer awaited news copies from less ‘explosive’ places, and since the copies have arrived, goodbye to telly tamasha. As MTV says, ENJOY)